So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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