I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
