haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
