She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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