Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think my moral compass just broke
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
