I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
