So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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