so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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