I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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