So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
