no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
