Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
