Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
