Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
