Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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