i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
