If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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