Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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