CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
