pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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