can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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