I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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