Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize