Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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