saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
