It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
