It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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