I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
