you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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