JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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