i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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