Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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