You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
