Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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