I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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