so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
