ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
