You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
