Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
