I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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