Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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