I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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