my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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