I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
