i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
