Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
