Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I supernannyed him into submission
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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