I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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