what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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