Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
