Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
