dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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