one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
