Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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