i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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