The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
