i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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