he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
