this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Randomize
