people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
