My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
