why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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