how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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