I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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