WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
