just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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