There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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