you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
