For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
