1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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