but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
