dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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