fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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