Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
