I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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