We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
