how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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